A Goose’s Life


Suzie Bradshaw

There was a village in the center of the Opanawka Woods. In this village lived six geese. They laid eggs out of fear. Forced to spurt shell covered embryos every three days, they converged on a plan of escape and so began the story of how the six geese a laying turned into four geese a cooking.

“Mary, my god Mary,” Fat Sue said as she waddled over to her dear friend and fellow captor.

“I…I.Will.Lay.Nomore.” Mary went silent as blood oozed from her ears.

“Oh Mary,” Fat Sue cradled her head with her expansive white wings and tears slid down her face settling on her beak.

“We have to do something,” Sheila said positioning her eyeglasses to the tip of her beak and gazed down at the scene.

“We cannot let them do this to us. I can’t take anymore,” Bertha said swiping a wing across a table knocking plates and glasses to the floor with a loud crash.

“Shhhh Bertha, stop that. We need to think.”

“You scared Heidi. Come on dear, it’s okay,” Sheila said to Heidi, the youngest recruit into this horrid brothel of foul, as she cowered in a corner.

A loud cough echoed through the walls of their prison home and the ladies stood at attention.

“Here she comes,” Martha said as she fidgeted with her apron. She wore nothing else.

The door opened and there stood Madame Ruth. A wretched, strung-out, traitor to the goose family. Fat Sue looked up and knew by the wild look in Ruth’s eyes she just had a fix of goosenip. She wasn’t quite to blame. The men did this to her. Everyone knew one hit of goosenip and it was over. The rest of your years would be spent looking for your next fix.

“Ladies, they are not pleased with your performance tonight.” She looked at Heidi who trembled like a scolded child’s bottom lip, “You are not producing.” She pointed with a scantily feathered wing.

They all knew what this meant and Bertha spoke first. “Madame, please…let us work with her. She is new. She knows not what is fully expected of her. We will teach her. Give us a day and a night.”

Ruth thought about this and looked Heidi up and down. “You will be a good producer. Okay Bertha, it’s in your wings now.” She turned to leave and looked back at Bertha. “I don’t have to remind you what that means.” Out the door she swayed her boney tail-feathers.

“We have to get out tonight.”

“What do we do with Mary?”

“We must leave her. There is nothing to be done for her now. She is with our ancestors in Heaven.”

Sheila spoke up, “I heard tale of the ten lords a leaping. If we can find them they will help us.”

Fat Sue left Mary’s side. “Yes, I too have heard of them. They hold magic.”

The geese shook their heads.

“When Madame Ruth comes back we hit her on the head with that frying pan and we run. Got it? And no quacking…look I know it’s hard not to quack as we flee but you must keep quiet. Don’t forget last time.”

They all shook their heads, quacked and raised a wing to the heavens, “For Mary.”

“Pack what you must. Only necessities. You will want your knapsacks light, in case, it takes days before we find the lords.”

“Shouldn’t we try to save Ruth?” Fat Sue said.

“She is beyond saving now. She is as bad as them. Don’t forget it’s because of her that Mary is…Mary is dead.”

With a determined look in her eye Bertha began chanting. “Lay no more. Lay no more. Lay no more.” Soon the other ladies joined and with ruffled feathers it was do or die.

Lights out the ladies feigned sleep. Fat Sue was elected to frying pan duty for obvious reasons and took position just inside the door as they heard the hacking cough of Ruth approach. In the dark they each glanced at each other. They were ready. Ready for anything. They would fight to the death this time.

Clonk, clonk, clonk. Crash. Ruth fell into the dresser knocking over a lamp.

“Remember, quiet.” They filed out in a v shape with Fat Sue in the lead. They ran along the trail out of the village and into the woods. The lights from the village did not penetrate the woods and the geese were left in deafening darkness. They ran deeper and deeper still, tripping over logs and large tree roots along their way. When they came to a clearing they stopped. The starlight shone brightly and in the distance, in the shade of the trees they saw them. The lords a leaping.

Heidi gasped. “I don’t know about this.”

The geese simultaneously brought their necks in close to their bodies. “Something is wrong.” Sheila said.

Fat Sue was too mesmerized by the leaping men to say anything or breathe even. They were surrounded as they watched the men jump from shadow to shadow.

“Are you the Christmas geese?” Spoken from the shadows seemingly echoing from shadow to shadow and invading the circle of openness the ladies stood in. They looked at each other not quite knowing how to answer.

Finally Bertha spoke. “Maybe, do you eat goose eggs? Because we will lay no more.”

Echoing again, as if all ten lords spoke in tandem. “We do not eat goose eggs.”

An audible sigh of relief could be heard. “Can you help us then?”

“Come,” they said and leapt away. The geese took up their positions and fled behind the men. Trying to keep up the best they could.

It was morning and snow began to fall by the time they reached the lords village. The geese stared in amazement. It was beautiful with all the baubles of red, green, silver and gold. Wreaths adorned shop windows and a light smattering of snow covered the brick roads. Garland hung from street light to street light and a large sign welcoming them, hung above the city square.

“How did they know we were coming?”

“Today must be Christmas.”

“Yes, it must be.”

“What do you make of the sign?”

“Well, somehow they knew we were coming. Maybe they rescue geese a lot.”

“I told you they would help and look how friendly.” Fat Sue sighed heavily, releasing all the stress that had built over the years at the brothel.

“Wow, this is going to be nice,” Heidi said and they joined wings as they read the sign of their new village and home.

“Welcome Christmas Geese. The kitchen is that way.”

BIO:  Suzie loves speaking and writing about herself in the third person. She doubts that light is really the fastest thing in the Universe and in her next life she will prove Einstein wrong. But in this life all she wants to do is write. Is that a song? She’s had stories published on Microhorror.com , SNMHorrormag.comhttp://newfleshmagazine.blogspot.com/ , http://www.houseofhorror.org.uk/#/book-shop/4535143845 and http://www.themonstersnextdoor.com/   She’s never been happier in her life and would like to thank you for reading. You can find her on facebook and myspace under Suzie Bradshaw.



  1. 1

    I feel so bad for them. 🙂
    Exciting story and a lot of energy in your writing.

  2. 2
    Laura Eno Says:

    Never trust a leaping lord… Nice one, Suzie.

  3. 3

    This was funny, in a weird way, but I feel so sorry for the silly geese.
    Very good addition to all the stories so far!!

  4. 4
    Pam Marler Says:

    This was spectacularly written! It brought me into story…awesome Suzie!

  5. 5

    Ah, Suzie!

    I’m laughing so hard! Between “spurt shell covered embryos”, goosenip (can I have some of that) and receiving help from the ten lords a leaping – this was a fab Christmas story!

    Kudos to you girl. I was looking forward to your work and you did good.

  6. 6
    suzie bradshaw Says:

    Thanks everyone! So glad you liked it! I bet I don’t have to say it was a hoot to write!

  7. 7
    jimcast Says:


    The kitchen is that way. . . yum! 🙂

    Thanks for writing this for the project.


  8. 8

    I’m giggling, great story, loved the echo ‘we do not eat goose eggs.’ well done.

  9. 10
    Stephanie Says:

    Great story Suzie!!!

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